Deflowered by the Demon by Vivi Lemay
I hate the cover art, and the title pretty well tells you exactly what grade of book you’re getting. B-movies have titles like this, but I happen to be a big fan of demon erotica, so I thought I’d give it a chance. The writing is better than the cover art would lead you to believe. Technically, the author worked hard to make this book as flawless as possible (or she has a really good editor), and that alone puts her head and shoulders above most indie authors. There was a place on page 2 where a sentence was worded so oddly that I wondered if English was Ms Lemay’s first language, but all said, this is a very minor thing and does not detract from the rest of the story.
My overall impressions of the book are that the premise isn’t bad: witch’s apprentice wants to show her mistress that she is ready to learn more powerful spells and seeks to prove this by (dum-da-da-dum–insert dramatic omg-don’t-do-it! music here) summoning a demon. Now, this goes about as well as one would imagine, and the end result is that our silly apprentice must then offer herself bodily to the demon in exchange for his allowing her to continue living. As far as plot lines in short stories go, this isn’t a bad one. The author clearly has some writing skill and if you don’t mind books in which your mighty, powerful demon from the fourth plane comes across using slang and sounding more like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then this might well be the book for you. Ms Lemay wrote a demon who, by appearances alone, is 100% believable as a dangerous, evil creature from Hell…right up until he opened his mouth. Honestly, this might be more my problem than the author’s.
The reason I gave this story 3 stars instead of 4 is because of the constant bouncing back and forth between the demon’s point of view and Laurel’s, the apprentice. It is amateurish and lazy to constantly switch from one character to the next with each subsequent paragraph you write, and that’s really too bad because if it weren’t for this one major flaw, than this would have been solid 4-star material. Can Ms Lemay write? Yes. Is this book worth reading? Sure. Could it have been better? Hell yes. If Ms Lemay ever goes back and fixes the POV problem and the way the demon talks, I would gladly pay to download this story and read it again. 3 stars